Hello World,

lovely waters

2011-08-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

do you want to go to the seaside?
i'm not trying to say that everybody wants to go
salty water and sweet skin
wet ankles and sandy palms
everything artlessly curls; the waves to the shore, my hair to my shoulders
slow down moon
the sands of broken love
don't let the ocean end
us
thousands of seasides and us
but of course you can tell me a secret
lips of sailing whispers
we've gone boating
and i'm scared too

the bottom drawer

2011-06-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

hand-me-downs are what you're buying now
a dollar here and there for someone elses dusty trash
our own treasure is becoming past
it's just a yard sale for memories
fountains of pennies for 1 cent photos
crinkled bills pulled from pockets: love for sale
you're selling us
we're just the bottom drawer
of your new armoire

beside my bedside

2011-04-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

he asked her to follow, she did not respond. he asked her to run, she continued walking on. she wanted him to ask once more, just to want her once more. but he's just a thought; a black tea stain on bedside oak; a novel's bent page. he's paper thin. just a borrowed book

Ifs of the moon

2011-03-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

She looked like she had always looked
felt like she had always felt
and moved with absence of grace
she was familiar to herself
and that was the problem

if the moon was her love
would she lend a bent head up to him every night?
or would she change
one star for every night

your fingertip strokes

2011-02-04T14:46:00.000-08:00

i want water colors
mixing and stirring
spilling into one another
a painting, yes
that's what we'll be

when i surrender

2011-01-25T17:42:00.000-08:00

you make me want to be
in perfect disarray

content with discontentment

2010-11-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

Braided hair, down her back.
light blue dress without a wrinkle
feet arched; perfectly naked
the laces quiet atop her empty shoes
they named her lonely

And she flew with angel wings

2010-09-11T07:46:00.001-07:00

It's a different kind of love,
that's what her mother said.
But it broke the little girl's heart all the same.

She is love

2010-08-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

She isn't anyone's somebody

She is a writer of simple things

She is more powerful when her thoughts have wings

She is lost on that same old pathway leading home

She is certain that's the shrill of her mother's scream

She is feeling how her heart tears at the seam

She is staying far from the house where the rain never stops

She is running through the grass, up to her knees

She is pleading for her legs to carry her away

She is going to look back but just not today

She is aware that for her faith she will have to pay

She is poor- without pennies, nickels or dimes

She is rich with emotion and dreams and rhymes

She is young still

She is waiting patiently
She is ready to be
She is love

There's something to be said about the colors in your head

2010-08-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

Does one ever get to a point in their writing where they hate everything they've once loved?

Smooth as the hickory wind

2010-08-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

I've lost it.
Like a dandelion fluff that slips through clenched fingertips
When they are opened to reveal their newly captured wish...it is not there
It was never there
The child's hand moved too quickly, it was impatient
Reaching out, grabbing blindly because the sun is too bright
The piece of fluff dances through the air, playfully floating away

My inspiration has left me
Maybe it was never there
I cannot write nor make a dandelion wish

Take me there

2010-08-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

The sun peeks through the trees and dances on my skin like a reflection on water.
I pop some raspberries into my mouth while my tongue anticipates the flavor.
My teeth crush its fury skin and its sweet nectar awakens my senses.
I let out a sigh in response to this serenity.
I'm aware of every part of myself because of him.
He's lying right beside me but his breaths are slow.
I put my head on his chest and let his up and down movements take me away to wherever he is dreaming.

I dare you to move

2010-07-23T17:49:00.000-07:00

I drag my hands through my hair
They don't slide smoothly
Almost as if my worries take this chance to tangle up in my fingers
I fix my eyes on the cars passing by, but i don't budge.
My legs lay limp and my whole body is relaxed
Rain begins to drip onto my face, landing softly on my cheeks
It is almost too careful, as if the clouds are delicately sending rain drops one by one
I still don't move.
A deafening screech violently moves my attention to the road
A car is coming towards me
The driver's eyes are wild, and fearful...
Their hands making grand gestures to steer the car out of my path
I won't move.
I feel crazy but strangely more in control than the driver...
Then it hits me
Metal and bones intermingling
Everything is black but bright all at once
Now i can't move, it is no longer a choice.

amnesia

2009-12-24T11:39:00.000-08:00

memories are flashbacks.
we all have different perspectives from just one memory.
they're little reminderrs that can pop up.
sometimes they can flood your mind, encompassing you...
they put a haze over your eyes,
fade away from the "now"
you look back and think what could've been...
what should've been
you will torment your mind with tastes from the past
treasures
already lived
consuming
dark
playful
held
memories are silent killers

This is what autumn smells like

2009-10-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

I smelled autumn yesterday.
It was the sweet smell of freshly squeezed or crushed apples.
The air was juicy, mouth watereing, succulent, and the wind was the scent of crisp apples wisping through my hair.
I found myself wanting to lick the air.
I couldn't capture the smell or breathe in deeply enough.
Each inhale brought a new burst of flavor into my lungs.
And i thought to myself,
this is was autumn smells like.

a million little black polka dots

2009-10-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

It must be the heat wave.
There are thousands of little ladybugs crawling across the windows of my house.
They landed a couple at a time on my arms as i stretched out on the grass.
They never fly straight, they always fly in an intricate path of circles and loop de loops.
Some have little black polka dots, and some are all red.
Their wings flutter less gracefully than a butterfly's...
but they disappear when the ladybug lands.
It's magic.
They are here for the last taste of summer.
Outside, they are swarming and flying all around, as their red backs hit the sunlight just right.
Good luck is dressed in a million little black polka dots.

fuzzy scarf

2009-10-12T06:09:00.000-07:00

I love taking morning walks. It's become my weekend routine. The dew is still dripping, the frost masked by the shade still crunches underneath your feet, and you actually see a little baby inchworm making it's journey across the road. It's a sort of bliss noticing everything around you.
This post is going to be short because i'm just about to walk into bliss...
The sky is blue, the grass is still wet, the leaves are a warm honey, and maple syrup red, the birds are singing sweet melodies, and i am wrapping my fuzzy scarf around my neck.
Going on a walk is a very capturing experience for all of your senses.

Here's a little enlightening poetry for you:
"No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace
as I have seen in one autumnal face"
John Donne

i wish the real world would just stop hassling me

2009-09-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

I was on my rickety old bus that shook me to the beat of the music, while my thoughts were abysmal. I was so mesmerized inside my head that when an empty bottle came flying over my worn, blue, seat and fell into my lap, i didn't even realize it. I was in a seventh heaven, looking outside the streaked window. I just started to write my blog in my head. The best and easiet kind of writing dosen't need a paper or pencil because somehow it hinders your thoughts, a plain rectangle, almost like a barrier. Maybe if I cut the paper into a different shape... So i just sat there and let the music build to a symphony in my ear "dragonfly out in the sun you know what i mean." It's the most alluring time of year. The leaves are sitting on the edge of forever, cut right down the middle, one half is painted red and orange while the other side is a sweet,crisp green for the last taste of summer. We're inbetween fall and summer.
As I came back to the real world, I handed the kid the plastic bottle as he mumbled some kind of half, sorry excuse. It didn't matter anyways because the music overwhelmed the words escaping his mouth.
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And i'm feeling good
michael buble's voice is his own instrument,
and mine is my thoughts.
As i walked off the bus and the light brushed across my face,
i was feeling good.

Harriet The Spy

2009-09-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting and typing away at the computer i'm going to have in my room. It's downstairs right now, but soon it will be in my room where thoughts seem to flow more frequently and easily. I want to do that whole "Harriet-The-Spy" work in my room. I'd love to have a typwriter, even just the sound of fingers gliding across a normal keyboard seem to sound like music clunking along the old keys of a typewriter. A pen stuck in the wild mess of my hair, my legs curled up under me, rain pattering against the windowpane and the "ding" of ressurance when you've reached the edge of the paper. I'm re-doing my room, giving it a new story. There are just three main pieces of furniture i really want. An old distressed bookcase, maybe with an old, clouded , stained door on it. A big desk, right in front of my open window, for paper, pencils, stacks of books on photography, and my computer/typewriter. And lastly a bed, filled with pillows and blankets. I want to hang national geographic pictures teared from my magazines, black and white photos taped to the walls and stacked all over that i've taken on my dad's old camera. I'd love to develop them.
Hardwood floors, black worn converse(i love thinking of their story of walking mountains in cali).
I want my room to have "a little romance without getting too cinderella sweet", i want to take myself, and have my room capture that.
I want my room to look like the sky has come in.

It's just the beginning

2009-09-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

I'm not excited for school.
I usually have a feeling of being on the edge, ready to plunge into all the knew challenges.
I'm usually eager, i want to show everyone what changed in me.
Now i feel uninspired, incomplete.
Almost like i'm living in a dreamland, because i can't believe school is already here.
The worst part is getting comfortable with everyone again.
I still get lost trying to find my classes and stress out with understanding the schedule.
Maybe i should look as this from a new perspective...
It's just another chapter in my life, once i get settled back into routine, things will fall into place and i can work on the start of the rest of my life.
I hope that was convincing, because i'm going to jump off that edge into something i've gone to for most of my life and is still one big mystery.

arrivederci summer
p.s. atleast i've been blogging more

kiwi

2009-09-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

I really love kiwi.

There is something about how refreshing it is.
The water is like a heavy mist in your mouth.

And the light tint of an emerald stone with the seeds black as night.

It's the epitome of a humid summer's day.

Sweat streaming down your face as your tired hand limply sways like a fan to create a breeze.

The heat bug is singing.

Everything seems to be moving in slow motion.

Big sunglasses cover your eyes like a statment, while your bathing suit is trimmed to feel every curve of your body,the end just like a dress, twirling out. with just the right heart neckline.

It's the 30's and jazz is humming in the background.

When i eat kiwi it takes me back to The Notebook, "if you're a bird I'm a bird."

It makes me want to have been alive when times were simpler and complicated all at once.

When romance wasn't hard to find.

It makes me want to jump in the water, and float for hours on my back.

It makes me never want to wipe the trickle of juice running down my chin.

I love kiwi.

our eyes are our biggest burden

2009-08-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately.

I think i will only talk about one thing, so i can have a constant in this post. So i won't lose what i'm trying to get across...

When we went camping, Mary and I talked a lot about L . o . v . e, and faith, but suprisingly love is easier to explain.

And one thing I said sort of stuck with her, and when she told me she thought more about it, it made me look deeper into it...

I told her she talks about Josh a lot and it's not a bad thing, but i'm just wondering if he is such a big part of her life, what am i missing?

I don't know how to put it into words what exactly i'm "missing", I guess you just have to see someone in love.

metaphor/analogy:

It's like without glasses, those blurs in the distance were all i could see. I didn't think i was missing anything, or there was anything at all to see. They were too far out of reach. The blurs were what i came to know.

But once i put those glasses on, things became clear, i see that the blurs are trees, and now i know what i've been missing.

Mary and Josh, you are my glasses.

Vienna

2009-08-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

So i've decided this summer isn't what i was expecting, although it's never predictable. I wanted to work out this summer, go back to school feeling better about myself in many different ways...but i never took that leap.

California was amazing, i took in every surrounding.

But i want more.

"It's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two"

All of my friends had there whole summers planned out, at first that didn't seem very exciting. You know, knowing exactly what you're going to be doing everyday. I wanted each morning to be a suprise, i wanted to be daring.

"You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need"

Except now, you guessed it, i didn't take advantage of that. And now school is going to be here so soon and i don't feel prepared.

I don't want to give up the simple moments of long grass blowing in the field of my backyard, swimming in the pool lit by the moon, walking down to the only streetlight for miles in dresses, converse and cowboy boots, playing my guitar on the porch...all those simple things i did, together, they seem right.

I kind of convinced myself in this post that i am having a summer with even the few moments that make me smile.

so maybe my real problem is time...lack of it i mean.

Isn't it everyones?

If you're still following me after all of that, there's one last thought i'm going to type.

I'm going to lake george with mary for a week and i'm going to make it my everything.

Everything i didn't do up until now, i'm going to do in that week.

Not a lot of time, but i've got to get over that whole time issue sometime.

"Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true"

Have you ever thought of the world without clocks?

"Slow down, you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be

Before your time"

I'm off to sail into the sunset,

"When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?"

emily

Stars burn like candles on that two-lane highway

2009-06-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

She lived at the end of a little dirt road

In a house where secrets go untold

Barefoot in a cotton dress

Dark hair in a tangled mess

And a head full of crazy dreams

She said

I'm goin' to California

A place where the sun always shines

I'm goin' to California

And I'm leavin' everything behind

2009-05-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

i've been feeling trapped.
i guess in a less philosophical way than you were expecting.
i think i'm failing math, everything with school is holding me back.
if i don't pass...than i can't have a summer.
everything is pouring down on me like gasoline...drenching me with fumes that consume my every sense.
school has to be everything right now..always in the back of our minds...another test around the corner.
drop the match and i'm ignited
i'm burning under the pressure
i think that word "ignited" can have many reasons...(word of the week i guess)
right now...it helps explain what it feels like to be burning under a fire.(school)
we all look for summer to be anything, to do something the rest of the year couldn't
i just hope when the fire burns out..amongst the ashes, tattered and black...is my summer.

Ignited

2009-05-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

my eyes adjust from the sunlight outside and that's what it's going to be like when i first see you.

drops of jupiter

2009-02-27T12:59:00.001-08:00

stop looking for reasons everyone. see what's right in front of you.

Go to my playlist on the left side, and turn the song to "drops of jupiter" by:train

and listen for once.

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere

With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey, hey

She acts like summer and walks like rain

Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey, hey, hey, hey

Since the return from her stay on the moon

She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey, hey, hey

hey, hey, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation

Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey, heymmmm.....

She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo

Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey, hey, hey, hey

yea...

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane

Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back to the milky way

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind

Was it everything you wanted to find

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I know you’re wrong

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone

Conversation

The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back toward the milky way

Tell me did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself

nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

nah nah nah nah nah nahnah nah nah nah nah nah

And did you fall for a shooting star

Fall for a shooting star

nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

Are you loney looking for yourself out there

(the spacing got all messed up, but just think about the song, let it get stuck in your head)

bulletproof

2009-01-09T20:33:00.000-08:00

i'm going to try something. writing really late at night and seeing what i think of it in the morning, then i'll post it. maybe even add more to it once i'm awake. why does the truth come out at night; it is pitch black. does darkness seem to take in all your secrets like a black hole, so it seems safe to say them outloud? telling the boy now, all the thoughts that were racing through your head in daylight...but now your brain is slow, blinking, heavy breathing, simple things...the words seem so easy now to say. it's a hard concept..but just think, wherever you are, late at night..at a moldy hotel 6 backed up against the wall on a bed, laying outside under the stars, or just sitting at your computer typing mindlessly, you can say whatever you want and think about everything because your tired, your brain is in a transe...on the verge of sleeping, breathe in and out. once you can let your body go, your mind follows fearless. like a monster in a closet, it only comes out when the sun goes down.
i've noticed lately that i can't shut up. my mom tells me to do something and i have to say what i think...she won't listen, even if i yell, i just need to be heard. how can i be passive about some things and then want to scream out loud at other things? all i know is my "attitude" seems to be getting me in trouble. maybe i'm tired of just listening. so i just keep on talking.

crossroads
broken glass
sweet perfume
words that seem to work

why does the moon shine night and day, but the sun sets? don't go scientific..just why is the moon up in daylight...something that glows at night hearing all your secrets..is still faintly there in daylight, when you wake up.

blah.bed.for now.short and sweet.never would have thought i could be that way.2nd post i said i was never short and sweet.

now that i look back on everything i wrote, something has changed

goodnight

good morning...i guess i was pretty awake, or sane last night..because nothing i wrote seems too "out there"..but maybe night or day, my thoughts are still the same..i care how i say them and want them out there naked.(used to use that word ''naked" and "undressing my thoughts" a lot) maybe i should let go more, not care..and let the true monster come out of the closet.

i guess why i have the title "bulletproof" is it just seems like a cool word, and the meaning might be that sometimes we feel like nothing can stop us, or maybe being bulletproof is like taking a bullet but not letting it brake you. I took a chance, I took a shot And you might think i'm bulletproof, but i'm not. and sometimes the shot kills you.

i dont really like this post, the words are off, the stupid bullets make it double spaced when i hit enter..but whatever for once i'm not going to care if what i say is typed the right way.so here i go, publish post.

i guess titles are meant to draw the reader in...

2008-12-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

why do people argue. always having to prove themselves right. why do people fall out of love? crumple up a piece of paper with mindless..unfinished thoughts and it's round like the world with rough edges but it seems pointless and soon enough it'll get thrown away.

when is the world going to end. how can you believe in God when nothing has proven to be a constant. when you have so many questions that go unaswered.

our eyes are just a burden. we need to see to believe.

it's hard to trust, because people are made to let you down. it's in their nature, we can't help it.

everything seems to go be going wrong.

what can you hold on to, to ground yourself...

because right now you feel like your spinning with the world.

and honestly, i want to throw up.

you look to the sky for answers, cry for the boy who will never understand what he did.

why do we try and fix lost causes?

what happens if the world spun backwords.

why can't we let people see us cry?

i wrote a song the other day, and started a book.

maybe escaping this for a little while will fool my mind

sometimes all you need is bare words to speak the truth...

What happens to a man when He spills his heart on a page and He watches words flow away then His feelings lie on the page alone There waiting For someone who cares to read them To open their eyes to see them To see if they can make his thoughts their own To find out that maybe your life's not perfect Maybe it's not worth what he gives away

and the melody will make it stick in your mind.

the song up there is called "pages" by 3 doors down.

i looked up the lyrics and didnt hear it yet.

why do we ask questions?

you dont want the expected answer
you like it when u dont know what their going to think or say
that's why we ask questions
half of it..for the thrill of the answer

the last of anything is always the hardest.

goodbyes shouldnt be spoken.

i didn't even want to write this blog.

the words kind of just s p i l l e d out.

messy words

aren't meant to be cleaned up

emily

who else did you expect?

and the reason is you

2008-10-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

so apparently i was wrong about writing everyday, i guess i have so many thoughts... as far as they get is me saying them under my breath. I did have a post before, but none of it is true anymore, i thought i didnt like it so i made it a draft;unfinished thoughts. The only thing that seems to be true is how screwed up i am over this one boy..and please dont be the there-are-better-things-to-take-over-your-thoughts-besides-a-boy-and-maybe-you-should-just-forget-about-him- person because getting over it isn't an option for me. i'm stealing this from a friends profile because it jumped out at me...I close my eyes and the flashback starts. That's what keeps me going or falling...hard.

When i hit that bottom crash you're all i have

I was sitting in a dark corner, with some weird artificial tree branching over me, i didn't care that it was cramped, it was dark and noone could find me. The moon was dim and a perfect backdrop. I just pulled my feet up to my chest and let my ipod fade in and out. I thought about everything...why is it that wherever i am i think about you?

I just want to talk to you, i need to do something.

you need to say something.

Every rain makes its way into somebody's song

But i still love

i'm all in

emily

talking to the rain

2008-09-05T13:18:00.001-07:00

ok i know i'm going to be posting a lot more because i get what i need to say from a single bus ride. With my headphones on and the bus just riding along with trees passing just makes it perfect. All i need right then and there is my music and the road even if it is a beat up school bus. Moments blurred into focus like just realizing as i was tapping my fingers to the music, the sun streamed in right onto my hand and bright pink nail polish, was the perfect moment for a picture, i think atleast. Everything just seemed right then and there, it's still summer and there was a gorgeous breeze, my hair was wispy and blowing onto my eyes like any movie moment, a new song predictably came and went, the bus got emptier and emptier because i am one of the last ones off, it was me and my thoughts strumming to a guitar...it's hard to explain because it's little moments pieced together when i realized music on the road is just right. I kinda realized i look at things as the perfect movie moment, a picture captured just right, the perfect sentence for a blog, or just the right thought to go on paper. Paper is what i never leave the house without, a post-it note, composition notebook, journal, hand outs in school when we're taking notes, an old crumpled napkin
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin And I wrote down our song

It's like an obsession but atleast its not illegal.
I am bright nail polish,pouring rain, a single star, a starry night, waves crashing, out of breath, soft breathers, speechless moments,song writer, night sneak outs, morning sunrise, broken glass, broken hearts, wishing, my playlist,crushing on him,open fields, moonlit water,naked, on the road, music.
I know that i can't wait for my licence because i will just drive to the end of the world. dirt road, blaring music every turn with me at the wheel. Plus with a friend it makes it that much more awesome.
I've been driving for an hour Just talking to the rain.

as i walked into the house when i got home, i lowered my music so it was softly playing for only me to hear, like background music or the soundtrack to my life.i thought that was cool<3

for those of you who want to stop crushing, here is a little snipet from"out of my face" by saving abel
So get out of my face
Get out of my sight
Get out of my head and give me back my piece of mind

(and suprisingly going back to school doesn't kill you)
-em
p.s. i stole the pic from C α я ℓ у ♥ on poly<3

You can only move as fast as,Who's in front of you

2008-08-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

so i pretty much have nothing to write about. But i just need to write. Well ive never talked about my day, so i'll try that whole being a teenager drama. There was a garage sale going on at chez maison(no idea if thats right) But anyways i got to lay in a chair my feet dangling off the edge, sun was peeking through the clouds just enough to warm all your senses, the summer breeze making the wind chimes the perfect touch; God's music, and my pup sleeping on my lap. Kind of that "i love summer" moment. Then my mom talked to this girl, well woman...same sex anyways, but she knew this girl.grr woman, who had twin boys and one choked and died at a babysitters. The other twin is too young to know he has a twin, let alone a brother..but something will always be missing and he will just feel lost..its sad. And also my mom talked to her about these 5 really skinny horses, and the ASPCA cant do anything because they have a "no trespassing" sign..but they wont make it through winter without food..so i'm deffinetely calling again. I also went to the store and my mom and I bought over $200 worth of groceries...not eating before i go benefits me by getting tons of yummy snacks...but the only problem was if there is a camera in there, every action shot of me is pulling up the pants falling off my but. So anyone watching got a laugh, which is always good, it helps loose weight;) Now im hear listening to music (I didnt do only 3 three things today but those are the highlights...plus i climbed my favortie tree with a juice box..hard work) Anyways music gets me in a great mood, i dont care if i cant sing, i just love singing and dancing around, im a teenage girl so you have to expect that.

I kind of like the pointlessness to this post, so i'll do what most everyone does and leave you with lyrics

in my rocker mood music...: a little snipet from "breathe today" by:flyleaf

You try your hardest to perfect your explanations...

You lie until they've run out of questions

You can only move as fast as,

Who's in front of you,

And if you assume,

Just like them,

What good will it do,

So find out for yourself

So your ignorance,

Will stop bleeding through.

Only one thing

Big enough to fill the void thats inside of you

It's just a breath away.

You can breathe today

So many lies swirling,

All around you,

You're suffocating,

The empty shape in you,

Steals your breath,

You're suffocating.

Logic forces me to believe in this,

And I have learned to see,

And I can only say what I've seen and heard,
And only you can choose,

And every choice you make will effect you,

Suit your own self.

just a little something to rock too<3>

Simple little things like these are good to keep my silly mind from wondering

2008-08-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

hmm what to write about. Well i'm hooked on romance movies. Like the notebook, or titanic, anything. you jump i jump, just being taken to the stars,because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday. Im not getting sucked into them it's just our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it. Now tell me you dont want that.

And even though its completely ridiculous i want a star named after me, have a summer love, and give up everything once upon a ship.

Ever heard of the saying, "If you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plans?"

Sing to me the song of the stars. Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again. When it feels like my dreams are so far Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

short and sweet

<3em

wild hope

2008-07-13T11:36:00.000-07:00

i dont really know why i'm posting, i guess cause no one has in a while so i thought i would be the first to update on "life" because everyone's blogs have become a lot more deep. So let's get this started. I have definetely realized how hard it is to write a song and make the music. I have this journal that i write down words that might be able to be a song...but right now it just seems to look black and white(i mean its black ink on white paper so to a literal level, yes its black and white, but the words are more than that, theyre twisted, theyre helpless snipets of some thoughts, but what more can you ask from a teenager?)

It's twisted

Messed up

And the more I think about it

It's crazy, but so what

so what we're all "messed up" in our heads we think we're getting a grasp on the whole life concept...but it's too unfathomable to put into words, or your stupid blog. Words are just proof that you are crazy, your thoughts on paper, theyre screwed up...and it's why so many people can't or won't believe in God is because he's not as simple as a word, yea we try to make it like that...we take ideas on life like this run-on sentence and have a gazillion words on that one subject of life..but taking every single word, belief, your entire life and others and making it into one "person" responsible, only one word, God...well that there dares everything you once thought.

can you do that? or am i merely wishing on wild hope

In the crazy world

Anything can happen

If you will it to

I'm just a hazy girl

Blurring all the edges

Only seeing blue

All i can taste is this moment

2008-07-02T07:28:00.001-07:00

do you ever realize how many times you hit the backspace on words that just dont seem to capture those unwritten words inside your head, but when you speak it's a whole different vulnerability vs. your diary. Because what ever is written down is what you wanted to say kind of "fixed up". So when you speak your even more naked in front of a crowd, your you, because your saying what is really on your mind instead of revising and "touching it up". Cause i know we all speak before we really think.

I've realized each one of my blogs kind of has a different way of writing to it, i like it because i never want to be predictable...i dont want you to know what im going to say next, even if it's totally irrelevant or crazy because apparently a lot of people think i'm a freak...

and that is something that is starting to bug me, people defining me. you may think you know me, have it down to a science of who i am really but you dont, oh no you definitely dont, there's thoughts in my mind that no one knows, i am a stranger to you...because im just beginning.

i was thinking last night about taylor swift and just everything she has done, really living and rocking out, and just having fun. Or that girl on the new abc family show(my new defining title of my blog) she's pregnant but i cant help but think something amazing is going to happen with that..even if its just a show

i dont know if i should wait or go kiss that guy, sing in public, be the first to dance when the floor is open, lead my life absent mindedly fearless...

idk just thoughts im throwing around

this blog doesnt have to be finished thoughts, why can't it just be my mind's post it note?

summers simplicity on post it notes:

being able to drive with no idea of where i'll end up, in a mustang, top down..hair blowing and my song rocking out behind me..just singing along in my best dress fearless
laying in an open field, radio surrounding all my senses, an "I Heart?" written on the back of my hand, guitar in hand strumming along to "fearless"
my foot dipped in the pond, laying streched out on the bridge, rain consuming my glistening skin, hair a mess, singing about 'your anything' for the boy i never met
no clothes, just the water and me, with the moon kissing a shimmering light into the water, hair dripping wet, laying with my feet in the pool, humming softly until the sunrise harmonizes sweetly with me

i have so many thoughts, twisted into a blog, a journal, lyrics, post it notes scattered everywhere, just anything for everything i think

it's really somethin', it's fearless

2008-06-24T07:31:00.000-07:00

i dont think i'm going to be doing another post before i go camping so here's this one. I've decided anything and everything that comes to my mind i'm going to write down in a notebook i'm bringing. I'll have pages filled with thoughts, lyrics and doodles and i'm going to fill inbetween every line, every space, for this summer.Kind of like a diary but i wont care who reads it. I have this bag to go on my shoulder with my ipod a few pens and my notebook, whether i cant fall asleep,laying on a rock as the waves consume me, wherever i am i'll write and have that layed back look with a little bit of danger thrown in and be absent mindedly fearless, with the beach wave hair, just being anything but ordinary.
Me and my rose(mon amie) are going to ride up to camp, music blaring and we have a list of crazy things to do, we're even burning a c.d just to dance to on the beach late at night. We're going to have fun and this whole summer for me it's about letting go and
dancing in a storm in my best dress Fearless.

It’s the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin’, it’s fearless

"You just... You need a girl.
What kind of girl?
Definitely someone cute.
- Definitely.-
someone who can make him laugh.[Laughs]
But he also needs someone who's gonna push him.
Someone who's gonna make him do things...
he never thought he could do.
Like stripping in the middle of the street?"

im going to be that girl

i'll be your baby blue jeans

2008-06-16T09:25:00.001-07:00

im not going to use stupid grammar in this post because thoughts are a mess(ok maybe i'll use periods) i put off this post for so long because im so screwed up. i just write pages of thoughts, lyrics, anything to just get me more than anything or anyone else. (this whole no grammar thing isnt going to work, maybe a few wrong or misplaced commas but i need this to scream!!) i guess before i go and try to figure out everything and everyone else i need to start with just me. you know what i love, to ride in a car with the top down hands in the air and just blasting the music late at night, theres no special twist about of explaining words to why...i gues maybe girls just wanna have fun

in the car is where i get my best thinking going and i finally think i get why i flat out suck with guys. Its because im afraid, of messing up, of letting someone see my imperfections i dont want to make any mistakes and i guess why i broke up with this one boy was because as much as i tried to prove i could kiss him i was scared to death of what he'd think. oh and the other reason was because he was a jerk unable to see that. But thats over with, i want a guy who will whisper "good morning beautiful" in the morning and take away all my fears of doing something wrong, cause face it i will. and so will he.

im not going to get caught up in wanting a guy, but just, i dont know everyone wonders

Is there a someone

for everyone

willing to be

your everything

(another something i thought up)

i dont really know what i want to say with all this.

For now, watch me unfold.

naked

2008-05-26T05:23:00.000-07:00

did you ever want to go beyond your fingerprint streaked window pain, the scattered flowers, the pounding rain, the paint splattered sky, the world?... i didnt know where to put those song lyrics from last time so i kind of threw them into their own blog. But now i know, i'm out on the edge of forever ready to run. Im ready to see the edge and take off into the unknown. Not just trying to undress the world into a naked spinning ball of despair, im going to dress it in all my thoughts until the truth screams out. I want to see other planets, the universe, maybe a quick crispy chocolate chip cookie run to the milky way (tounge twister.) I want to take myself to the limit, to blood, sweat, tears, and ticking to explode...im going to push myself to be me, and im not going to be afraid.

Im going to think out loud, go skinny dipping into the cool streaked water, go and find love...and keep it, how daring.

Why do we cry, why do we give up, what makes us walk away, what makes us make stupid mistakes? "Nobody knows it but me" or maybe we're just human

This blog is just me writing down my thoughts, if someone can find something in these words thats good, but this is for me, its like being naked in front of a crowd...with only my thoughts wrapped around me.

"young people should not be taken lightly.
How do you know that they will not one day be better than you are now?"
this ones for the parents

p.s. i took that picture

the edge

2008-05-22T17:30:00.001-07:00

"And I’m out on the edge of forever

Ready to run"

like thoughts like rain

2008-05-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

Life is a wonderful and terrible thing

and noone comes out of it alive

so the people waiting on the world to change or undressing their naked thoughts to let themselves know theyre beginning to understand the raw truth of it all or the people so depressed their drowning in this "accident" or me...realize, open you eyes wide so the only thing that can make you shut them is the stinging sensation,

that glimpse of this spinning wreck is life.

you love it, you hate it, but it's all you've got.

add a melody, guitar solo, sprinkle it with a beat, the words are all the same...

(thoughts like rain splaterring down in my mind and this one slid down the window pain of my eye)

P.S. i love you

2008-05-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

What do women want?

We have abosolutely no idea.

I get jealous easily. I wanted to be the one who was beginning to understand life, even me for that matter

"and you know a little more about... you.

A little bit more than anyone else does."

I want to look at the pouring rain and come up with a jumble of words to why walking in the rain with no purpose is just something we do...as if being soaked is when life as you know it ends.
Why do we take something simple and ordinary and strech it into something big, professing our love of it to everyone...because seeing it on paper, in a melody, shouting it out loud...makes it right, makes what we feel, more real?

You tell me...why does rain make everything feel so right.

"I don't want to make any mistakes.

Then you're in the wrong species, love. Be a dog."

"terrible ideas hmmm, dont'cha just love those?"

2008-05-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

"music is the beautiful disturber of air"

I kew i was going to have to write back sooner or later, i thought that by letting my thoughts run wild through my mind, there would be some simplicity to find to make sense of it all...but my thoughts are far from that until theyre out on paper.

"If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud"

(riding in the car, muisc blaring into the night sky, and this song switched on) Dont you feel that words seem lost until they get a *boom boom* beat, a sweet tasting, twisting melody and someone with the heart to sing them out loud for everyone to hear? I am naked before you right now, my thoughts are undressed onto this page, it's my own diary sceaming out loud...so what are you going to do about it? This blog is going to be dressed in random spiraling lyrics, just so that tune can be played and maybe you will sing out loud.

"I think that i think too hard

And i don't give enough credit to my heart"

Why don't we throw all of our thoughts to the surrounding wind, so we can hear the beat of our heart. the music...because that is what we understand. You don't have to be able to read music, i don't...i just pick up a guitar strum away...play a piano and let my fingers dance, my voice singing to the beat of all this as if noone is there and everyone is there at the same time.

"Sittin' here i'm thinkin' bout the weather and

The countryside around me

Simple little things like these are good to keep

My silly mind from wondering

I feel the summer breeze wash over me

Oh i know the laughter know the love"

Hmm..now this may get me started on simplicity all over again...the extraordinary things are the most simple, a bumble bee seeming too big to fly, takes flight to the blinding sun, the summer breeze lifting up your dress as it twirls around you, the country side, a single open field laying down scattered in flowers listening to you softly hum a melody overwhelming your sesnes, sweet and tinted sour lemonade kissing your lips as you walk, cup in hand, to the end of the world.

i'm a silly girl

dancing in the rain
bobbing my head, top down

music blowing in a trail we leave behind

running through an open field

my feet pouding to a beat

rowing through a lake, my hand gliding

making a splashing current

writing thoughts on paper,black on white,

simplicitiy is sweet love

i am a silly little girl

soaked from the rain

(thoughts on paper thought)

make your own melody, to the beat of my song

The quote i'll end with, the last buzzing note...yea you guessed it, a song...

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart

The waking up is the hardest part"

-John mayer

"Dreaming With A Broken Heart"

"Where The Heart Is"

2008-05-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Little insight on me...i'm condescending, a hypocrite(hmm sounds like hippo) I change what i say and do so much because i speak before I think. I'm ignorant, but aren't we all? I'm scribbling this post down on paper with pen scatches, lying on the ground, crossing out words that are miswritten. We smudge unwanted inked truths...we need to speak...so i'm going to say everything that comes to my mind (hmm i'm letting my thoughts run wild...how daring.) NOW, I was thinking that i find simple pleasures, I stare in amazement as a dandelion ball of white puff slides across this page and tumbles over me. Black and white photos tantalize me with bare, raw truth sketched into the camera lense. I could go on about how i find the simplicities more remarkable than the worlds bold intentions... (simplicity is extraordinary...white paper thought.) I dont know why i started a blog it seems to be more of a jumble of thoughts...I guess to show people who want to listen and myself that everything... the whispers of the breeze, a splash of water spiraling into rings, whisteling a symphonic melody with the birds, sitting in a tree to grasp the tough skin, letting loose in an open field or a crowded room, throwing your thoughts into bliss and closing you eyes for one damn moment...is where I find peace and serenity in a world people forget is here.

.yellow post-it note quote:

"no matter what happens

keep your childhood innocence"

~"Under The Tuscan Sun"

what happened to the music where you danced to nothing (cool breeze thought)

-Tip: Writing on pavement acquires a blanket of some mismatched pattern<>

for future pen-on-paper bloggers

rain drops sliding down the window pain

2008-05-04T06:35:00.000-07:00

I assure you this is going to be a short post (then again every breath we take something can change...so if you assume that me assuring things is going to make them turn out the way I said...you cant always trust what i say...because words are as gone as the breath or swipe of a pencil it took to declare them)...What that drag on mixed up statement (i do that alot...remember i just wanted to be able to put these rain pouring words to mean something to show that i'm understanding atleast one little part of the crazy world...), so what i meant by everything is to trust yourself, because words spoken or written or whatever you do with them string along lies...so my whole oprah lesson is to trust, but dont be blinded. See look at this one statement i tried to explain and i go on and on...i'm not short and sweet i use everything i have to get my thoughts out, because everyone needs atleast someone to understand them. The whole point of this post was to talk about rainy days. They aren't as bad as you think...the rain cleans, refreshes everything, and it's like a new start...written words smudge and problems whirl in a puddle (My words somehow wound up sounding like a poem, bare with me...)The simplicity in rain is being able to curl up in an awkward flannel pattern blanket, sip dark, sweet hot chocolate as the steam rises and kisses your face, getting lost in a book taking you through a sunny field laying on your back with the breeze being the only whistling sound of music, as the raindrops just slide down the window pain. Sometimes (topic change-reminder) i just happen upon quotes, or theyre like a post-it note stuck to my head...it's post-it note time and i'm not saying its not lyrics...because sometimes the best quotes lie inbetween a melody and a guitar solo...so here it is:

"I'm so

Damn curious to know

And there are too

Many unanswered questions

That we hold onto"

for now its gonna be "just me"

2008-05-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

I thought for now i'd start with something simple ...me. I'm not really sure how this whole blog thing works, but then again there really isn't a sure way of doing anything. You kind of wing it...so thats what i'm going to do (and what i usually do when it comes to life.) But doesnt that make it a suprise? I have a friend who doesn't like suprises she wants to know what things will be without the whole unwrapping that ugly paper your friends managed to scrounge up for you birthday...but whats the fun in that, would you still live your life, live in the moment if you knew what it would all lead up too? I think my special bmark (thats blog mark, you know my speical twist to this...my own signature thing to do...beisdes making up words that are screaming with originality) will be writing down a quote from anything...one of my friends speaks out with song lyrics and another with random spanish words of wisdom (well just ordinary spanish, if you find wisdom with that..than my random babbling has made sense) Back to the beginning of this i was going to talk about simple ol' me. Except the thing is i enjoy simplicity like dancing in the rain, old black and white photos, swinging, walking to the end of the world, an old crickety italian house, planes (watching over everyone), the sweet taste of chocolate, how "summer came like cinnamon, so sweet", sunsets(i can't find my old font i was using..ha), being a dork, laying in a an open field and wathching the sky spin around me, being an absolute dork and clutz...i can go on because the beauty of life to me is surrounding youself in it and that includes living with who you are. I always want to speak and (i change topics a lot~little insight on me) just be heard with these waterfalls of words that just make sense and seems so extraordinary (hmm that has ordinary right in the name) I am not simple by far... but i just want to have what i say be understood and i'm not expectecting to understand the whole world...but as i find little understandings in it i feel like little by little i understand me. Perfect moments for me are sitting back in a seat on the bus, my headphones in and just wtahcing everything fly by to the beat of the music. Which reminds me, i came up with a quote just sitting there, so i grabbed some paper and wrote it out...tell me what you think "Our bodies live to a beat, therefore music is within all of us." This is getting very long and i know i drag things on..so i'll end it on a note of a quote(hehe a rhyme) "if we got everything we deserved, I wouldnt have you"..think about that.