i wish the real world would just stop hassling me

I was on my rickety old bus that shook me to the beat of the music, while my thoughts were abysmal. I was so mesmerized inside my head that when an empty bottle came flying over my worn, blue, seat and fell into my lap, i didn't even realize it. I was in a seventh heaven, looking outside the streaked window. I just started to write my blog in my head. The best and easiet kind of writing dosen't need a paper or pencil because somehow it hinders your thoughts, a plain rectangle, almost like a barrier. Maybe if I cut the paper into a different shape... So i just sat there and let the music build to a symphony in my ear "dragonfly out in the sun you know what i mean." It's the most alluring time of year. The leaves are sitting on the edge of forever, cut right down the middle, one half is painted red and orange while the other side is a sweet,crisp green for the last taste of summer. We're inbetween fall and summer.
As I came back to the real world, I handed the kid the plastic bottle as he mumbled some kind of half, sorry excuse. It didn't matter anyways because the music overwhelmed the words escaping his mouth.
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And i'm feeling good
michael buble's voice is his own instrument,
and mine is my thoughts.
As i walked off the bus and the light brushed across my face,
i was feeling good.

Harriet The Spy

I'm sitting and typing away at the computer i'm going to have in my room. It's downstairs right now, but soon it will be in my room where thoughts seem to flow more frequently and easily. I want to do that whole "Harriet-The-Spy" work in my room. I'd love to have a typwriter, even just the sound of fingers gliding across a normal keyboard seem to sound like music clunking along the old keys of a typewriter. A pen stuck in the wild mess of my hair, my legs curled up under me, rain pattering against the windowpane and the "ding" of ressurance when you've reached the edge of the paper. I'm re-doing my room, giving it a new story. There are just three main pieces of furniture i really want. An old distressed bookcase, maybe with an old, clouded , stained door on it. A big desk, right in front of my open window, for paper, pencils, stacks of books on photography, and my computer/typewriter. And lastly a bed, filled with pillows and blankets. I want to hang national geographic pictures teared from my magazines, black and white photos taped to the walls and stacked all over that i've taken on my dad's old camera. I'd love to develop them.
Hardwood floors, black worn converse(i love thinking of their story of walking mountains in cali).
I want my room to have "a little romance without getting too cinderella sweet", i want to take myself, and have my room capture that.
I want my room to look like the sky has come in.

It's just the beginning

I'm not excited for school.
I usually have a feeling of being on the edge, ready to plunge into all the knew challenges.
I'm usually eager, i want to show everyone what changed in me.
Now i feel uninspired, incomplete.
Almost like i'm living in a dreamland, because i can't believe school is already here.
The worst part is getting comfortable with everyone again.
I still get lost trying to find my classes and stress out with understanding the schedule.
Maybe i should look as this from a new perspective...
It's just another chapter in my life, once i get settled back into routine, things will fall into place and i can work on the start of the rest of my life.
I hope that was convincing, because i'm going to jump off that edge into something i've gone to for most of my life and is still one big mystery.

arrivederci summer
p.s. atleast i've been blogging more

kiwi

I really love kiwi.

There is something about how refreshing it is.
The water is like a heavy mist in your mouth.

And the light tint of an emerald stone with the seeds black as night.

It's the epitome of a humid summer's day.

Sweat streaming down your face as your tired hand limply sways like a fan to create a breeze.

The heat bug is singing.

Everything seems to be moving in slow motion.

Big sunglasses cover your eyes like a statment, while your bathing suit is trimmed to feel every curve of your body,the end just like a dress, twirling out. with just the right heart neckline.

It's the 30's and jazz is humming in the background.

When i eat kiwi it takes me back to The Notebook, "if you're a bird I'm a bird."

It makes me want to have been alive when times were simpler and complicated all at once.

When romance wasn't hard to find.

It makes me want to jump in the water, and float for hours on my back.

It makes me never want to wipe the trickle of juice running down my chin.

I love kiwi.

our eyes are our biggest burden

I've been thinking a lot lately.

I think i will only talk about one thing, so i can have a constant in this post. So i won't lose what i'm trying to get across...

When we went camping, Mary and I talked a lot about L . o . v . e, and faith, but suprisingly love is easier to explain.

And one thing I said sort of stuck with her, and when she told me she thought more about it, it made me look deeper into it...

I told her she talks about Josh a lot and it's not a bad thing, but i'm just wondering if he is such a big part of her life, what am i missing?

I don't know how to put it into words what exactly i'm "missing", I guess you just have to see someone in love.

metaphor/analogy:

It's like without glasses, those blurs in the distance were all i could see. I didn't think i was missing anything, or there was anything at all to see. They were too far out of reach. The blurs were what i came to know.

But once i put those glasses on, things became clear, i see that the blurs are trees, and now i know what i've been missing.

Mary and Josh, you are my glasses.

Vienna

So i've decided this summer isn't what i was expecting, although it's never predictable. I wanted to work out this summer, go back to school feeling better about myself in many different ways...but i never took that leap.

California was amazing, i took in every surrounding.

But i want more.

"It's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two"

All of my friends had there whole summers planned out, at first that didn't seem very exciting. You know, knowing exactly what you're going to be doing everyday. I wanted each morning to be a suprise, i wanted to be daring.

"You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need"

Except now, you guessed it, i didn't take advantage of that. And now school is going to be here so soon and i don't feel prepared.

I don't want to give up the simple moments of long grass blowing in the field of my backyard, swimming in the pool lit by the moon, walking down to the only streetlight for miles in dresses, converse and cowboy boots, playing my guitar on the porch...all those simple things i did, together, they seem right.

I kind of convinced myself in this post that i am having a summer with even the few moments that make me smile.

so maybe my real problem is time...lack of it i mean.

Isn't it everyones?

If you're still following me after all of that, there's one last thought i'm going to type.

I'm going to lake george with mary for a week and i'm going to make it my everything.

Everything i didn't do up until now, i'm going to do in that week.

Not a lot of time, but i've got to get over that whole time issue sometime.

"Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true"

Have you ever thought of the world without clocks?

"Slow down, you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be

Before your time"

I'm off to sail into the sunset,

"When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?"

emily

Stars burn like candles on that two-lane highway

She lived at the end of a little dirt road

In a house where secrets go untold

Barefoot in a cotton dress

Dark hair in a tangled mess

And a head full of crazy dreams

She said

I'm goin' to California

A place where the sun always shines

I'm goin' to California

And I'm leavin' everything behind