i guess titles are meant to draw the reader in...

why do people argue. always having to prove themselves right. why do people fall out of love? crumple up a piece of paper with mindless..unfinished thoughts and it's round like the world with rough edges but it seems pointless and soon enough it'll get thrown away.

when is the world going to end. how can you believe in God when nothing has proven to be a constant. when you have so many questions that go unaswered.

our eyes are just a burden. we need to see to believe.

it's hard to trust, because people are made to let you down. it's in their nature, we can't help it.

everything seems to go be going wrong.

what can you hold on to, to ground yourself...

because right now you feel like your spinning with the world.

and honestly, i want to throw up.

you look to the sky for answers, cry for the boy who will never understand what he did.

why do we try and fix lost causes?

what happens if the world spun backwords.

why can't we let people see us cry?

i wrote a song the other day, and started a book.

maybe escaping this for a little while will fool my mind

sometimes all you need is bare words to speak the truth...

What happens to a man when He spills his heart on a page and He watches words flow away then His feelings lie on the page alone There waiting For someone who cares to read them To open their eyes to see them To see if they can make his thoughts their own To find out that maybe your life's not perfect Maybe it's not worth what he gives away

and the melody will make it stick in your mind.

the song up there is called "pages" by 3 doors down.

i looked up the lyrics and didnt hear it yet.

why do we ask questions?

you dont want the expected answer
you like it when u dont know what their going to think or say
that's why we ask questions
half of it..for the thrill of the answer

the last of anything is always the hardest.

goodbyes shouldnt be spoken.

i didn't even want to write this blog.

the words kind of just s p i l l e d out.

messy words

aren't meant to be cleaned up

emily

who else did you expect?

and the reason is you

so apparently i was wrong about writing everyday, i guess i have so many thoughts... as far as they get is me saying them under my breath. I did have a post before, but none of it is true anymore, i thought i didnt like it so i made it a draft;unfinished thoughts. The only thing that seems to be true is how screwed up i am over this one boy..and please dont be the there-are-better-things-to-take-over-your-thoughts-besides-a-boy-and-maybe-you-should-just-forget-about-him- person because getting over it isn't an option for me. i'm stealing this from a friends profile because it jumped out at me...I close my eyes and the flashback starts. That's what keeps me going or falling...hard.

When i hit that bottom crash you're all i have

I was sitting in a dark corner, with some weird artificial tree branching over me, i didn't care that it was cramped, it was dark and noone could find me. The moon was dim and a perfect backdrop. I just pulled my feet up to my chest and let my ipod fade in and out. I thought about everything...why is it that wherever i am i think about you?

I just want to talk to you, i need to do something.

you need to say something.

Every rain makes its way into somebody's song

But i still love

i'm all in

emily

talking to the rain

ok i know i'm going to be posting a lot more because i get what i need to say from a single bus ride. With my headphones on and the bus just riding along with trees passing just makes it perfect. All i need right then and there is my music and the road even if it is a beat up school bus. Moments blurred into focus like just realizing as i was tapping my fingers to the music, the sun streamed in right onto my hand and bright pink nail polish, was the perfect moment for a picture, i think atleast. Everything just seemed right then and there, it's still summer and there was a gorgeous breeze, my hair was wispy and blowing onto my eyes like any movie moment, a new song predictably came and went, the bus got emptier and emptier because i am one of the last ones off, it was me and my thoughts strumming to a guitar...it's hard to explain because it's little moments pieced together when i realized music on the road is just right. I kinda realized i look at things as the perfect movie moment, a picture captured just right, the perfect sentence for a blog, or just the right thought to go on paper. Paper is what i never leave the house without, a post-it note, composition notebook, journal, hand outs in school when we're taking notes, an old crumpled napkin
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin And I wrote down our song

It's like an obsession but atleast its not illegal.
I am bright nail polish,pouring rain, a single star, a starry night, waves crashing, out of breath, soft breathers, speechless moments,song writer, night sneak outs, morning sunrise, broken glass, broken hearts, wishing, my playlist,crushing on him,open fields, moonlit water,naked, on the road, music.
I know that i can't wait for my licence because i will just drive to the end of the world. dirt road, blaring music every turn with me at the wheel. Plus with a friend it makes it that much more awesome.
I've been driving for an hour Just talking to the rain.

as i walked into the house when i got home, i lowered my music so it was softly playing for only me to hear, like background music or the soundtrack to my life.i thought that was cool<3

for those of you who want to stop crushing, here is a little snipet from"out of my face" by saving abel
So get out of my face
Get out of my sight
Get out of my head and give me back my piece of mind

(and suprisingly going back to school doesn't kill you)
-em
p.s. i stole the pic from C α я ℓ у ♥ on poly<3

You can only move as fast as,Who's in front of you

so i pretty much have nothing to write about. But i just need to write. Well ive never talked about my day, so i'll try that whole being a teenager drama. There was a garage sale going on at chez maison(no idea if thats right) But anyways i got to lay in a chair my feet dangling off the edge, sun was peeking through the clouds just enough to warm all your senses, the summer breeze making the wind chimes the perfect touch; God's music, and my pup sleeping on my lap. Kind of that "i love summer" moment. Then my mom talked to this girl, well woman...same sex anyways, but she knew this girl.grr woman, who had twin boys and one choked and died at a babysitters. The other twin is too young to know he has a twin, let alone a brother..but something will always be missing and he will just feel lost..its sad. And also my mom talked to her about these 5 really skinny horses, and the ASPCA cant do anything because they have a "no trespassing" sign..but they wont make it through winter without food..so i'm deffinetely calling again. I also went to the store and my mom and I bought over $200 worth of groceries...not eating before i go benefits me by getting tons of yummy snacks...but the only problem was if there is a camera in there, every action shot of me is pulling up the pants falling off my but. So anyone watching got a laugh, which is always good, it helps loose weight;) Now im hear listening to music (I didnt do only 3 three things today but those are the highlights...plus i climbed my favortie tree with a juice box..hard work) Anyways music gets me in a great mood, i dont care if i cant sing, i just love singing and dancing around, im a teenage girl so you have to expect that.

I kind of like the pointlessness to this post, so i'll do what most everyone does and leave you with lyrics

in my rocker mood music...: a little snipet from "breathe today" by:flyleaf

You try your hardest to perfect your explanations...

You lie until they've run out of questions

You can only move as fast as,

Who's in front of you,

And if you assume,

Just like them,

What good will it do,

So find out for yourself

So your ignorance,

Will stop bleeding through.

Only one thing

Big enough to fill the void thats inside of you

It's just a breath away.

You can breathe today

So many lies swirling,

All around you,

You're suffocating,

The empty shape in you,

Steals your breath,

You're suffocating.

Logic forces me to believe in this,

And I have learned to see,

And I can only say what I've seen and heard,
And only you can choose,

And every choice you make will effect you,

Suit your own self.

just a little something to rock too<3>

em

Simple little things like these are good to keep my silly mind from wondering

hmm what to write about. Well i'm hooked on romance movies. Like the notebook, or titanic, anything. you jump i jump, just being taken to the stars,because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday. Im not getting sucked into them it's just our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it. Now tell me you dont want that.

And even though its completely ridiculous i want a star named after me, have a summer love, and give up everything once upon a ship.

Ever heard of the saying, "If you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plans?"

Sing to me the song of the stars. Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again. When it feels like my dreams are so far Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

short and sweet

<3em

wild hope

i dont really know why i'm posting, i guess cause no one has in a while so i thought i would be the first to update on "life" because everyone's blogs have become a lot more deep. So let's get this started. I have definetely realized how hard it is to write a song and make the music. I have this journal that i write down words that might be able to be a song...but right now it just seems to look black and white(i mean its black ink on white paper so to a literal level, yes its black and white, but the words are more than that, theyre twisted, theyre helpless snipets of some thoughts, but what more can you ask from a teenager?)

It's twisted

Messed up

And the more I think about it

It's crazy, but so what

so what we're all "messed up" in our heads we think we're getting a grasp on the whole life concept...but it's too unfathomable to put into words, or your stupid blog. Words are just proof that you are crazy, your thoughts on paper, theyre screwed up...and it's why so many people can't or won't believe in God is because he's not as simple as a word, yea we try to make it like that...we take ideas on life like this run-on sentence and have a gazillion words on that one subject of life..but taking every single word, belief, your entire life and others and making it into one "person" responsible, only one word, God...well that there dares everything you once thought.

can you do that? or am i merely wishing on wild hope

In the crazy world

Anything can happen

If you will it to

I'm just a hazy girl

Blurring all the edges

Only seeing blue

All i can taste is this moment

do you ever realize how many times you hit the backspace on words that just dont seem to capture those unwritten words inside your head, but when you speak it's a whole different vulnerability vs. your diary. Because what ever is written down is what you wanted to say kind of "fixed up". So when you speak your even more naked in front of a crowd, your you, because your saying what is really on your mind instead of revising and "touching it up". Cause i know we all speak before we really think.

I've realized each one of my blogs kind of has a different way of writing to it, i like it because i never want to be predictable...i dont want you to know what im going to say next, even if it's totally irrelevant or crazy because apparently a lot of people think i'm a freak...

and that is something that is starting to bug me, people defining me. you may think you know me, have it down to a science of who i am really but you dont, oh no you definitely dont, there's thoughts in my mind that no one knows, i am a stranger to you...because im just beginning.

i was thinking last night about taylor swift and just everything she has done, really living and rocking out, and just having fun. Or that girl on the new abc family show(my new defining title of my blog) she's pregnant but i cant help but think something amazing is going to happen with that..even if its just a show

i dont know if i should wait or go kiss that guy, sing in public, be the first to dance when the floor is open, lead my life absent mindedly fearless...

idk just thoughts im throwing around

this blog doesnt have to be finished thoughts, why can't it just be my mind's post it note?

summers simplicity on post it notes:

• being able to drive with no idea of where i'll end up, in a mustang, top down..hair blowing and my song rocking out behind me..just singing along in my best dress fearless
  
• laying in an open field, radio surrounding all my senses, an "I Heart?" written on the back of my hand, guitar in hand strumming along to "fearless"
  
• my foot dipped in the pond, laying streched out on the bridge, rain consuming my glistening skin, hair a mess, singing about 'your anything' for the boy i never met
  
• no clothes, just the water and me, with the moon kissing a shimmering light into the water, hair dripping wet, laying with my feet in the pool, humming softly until the sunrise harmonizes sweetly with me

i have so many thoughts, twisted into a blog, a journal, lyrics, post it notes scattered everywhere, just anything for everything i think

it's really somethin', it's fearless

i dont think i'm going to be doing another post before i go camping so here's this one. I've decided anything and everything that comes to my mind i'm going to write down in a notebook i'm bringing. I'll have pages filled with thoughts, lyrics and doodles and i'm going to fill inbetween every line, every space, for this summer.Kind of like a diary but i wont care who reads it. I have this bag to go on my shoulder with my ipod a few pens and my notebook, whether i cant fall asleep,laying on a rock as the waves consume me, wherever i am i'll write and have that layed back look with a little bit of danger thrown in and be absent mindedly fearless, with the beach wave hair, just being anything but ordinary.
Me and my rose(mon amie) are going to ride up to camp, music blaring and we have a list of crazy things to do, we're even burning a c.d just to dance to on the beach late at night. We're going to have fun and this whole summer for me it's about letting go and
dancing in a storm in my best dress Fearless.

• It’s the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin’, it’s fearless

"You just... You need a girl.
What kind of girl?
Definitely someone cute.
- Definitely.-
someone who can make him laugh.[Laughs]
But he also needs someone who's gonna push him.
Someone who's gonna make him do things...
he never thought he could do.
Like stripping in the middle of the street?"

• im going to be that girl

i'll be your baby blue jeans

im not going to use stupid grammar in this post because thoughts are a mess(ok maybe i'll use periods) i put off this post for so long because im so screwed up. i just write pages of thoughts, lyrics, anything to just get me more than anything or anyone else. (this whole no grammar thing isnt going to work, maybe a few wrong or misplaced commas but i need this to scream!!) i guess before i go and try to figure out everything and everyone else i need to start with just me. you know what i love, to ride in a car with the top down hands in the air and just blasting the music late at night, theres no special twist about of explaining words to why...i gues maybe girls just wanna have fun

in the car is where i get my best thinking going and i finally think i get why i flat out suck with guys. Its because im afraid, of messing up, of letting someone see my imperfections i dont want to make any mistakes and i guess why i broke up with this one boy was because as much as i tried to prove i could kiss him i was scared to death of what he'd think. oh and the other reason was because he was a jerk unable to see that. But thats over with, i want a guy who will whisper "good morning beautiful" in the morning and take away all my fears of doing something wrong, cause face it i will. and so will he.

im not going to get caught up in wanting a guy, but just, i dont know everyone wonders

Is there a someone

for everyone

willing to be

your everything

(another something i thought up)

i dont really know what i want to say with all this.

For now, watch me unfold.

naked

did you ever want to go beyond your fingerprint streaked window pain, the scattered flowers, the pounding rain, the paint splattered sky, the world?... i didnt know where to put those song lyrics from last time so i kind of threw them into their own blog. But now i know, i'm out on the edge of forever ready to run. Im ready to see the edge and take off into the unknown. Not just trying to undress the world into a naked spinning ball of despair, im going to dress it in all my thoughts until the truth screams out. I want to see other planets, the universe, maybe a quick crispy chocolate chip cookie run to the milky way (tounge twister.) I want to take myself to the limit, to blood, sweat, tears, and ticking to explode...im going to push myself to be me, and im not going to be afraid.

• Im going to think out loud, go skinny dipping into the cool streaked water, go and find love...and keep it, how daring.


• Why do we cry, why do we give up, what makes us walk away, what makes us make stupid mistakes? "Nobody knows it but me" or maybe we're just human

This blog is just me writing down my thoughts, if someone can find something in these words thats good, but this is for me, its like being naked in front of a crowd...with only my thoughts wrapped around me.

"young people should not be taken lightly.
How do you know that they will not one day be better than you are now?"
this ones for the parents




p.s. i took that picture

the edge

"And I’m out on the edge of forever

Ready to run"

like thoughts like rain

Life is a wonderful and terrible thing

and noone comes out of it alive

so the people waiting on the world to change or undressing their naked thoughts to let themselves know theyre beginning to understand the raw truth of it all or the people so depressed their drowning in this "accident" or me...realize, open you eyes wide so the only thing that can make you shut them is the stinging sensation,

that glimpse of this spinning wreck is life.

you love it, you hate it, but it's all you've got.

add a melody, guitar solo, sprinkle it with a beat, the words are all the same...

(thoughts like rain splaterring down in my mind and this one slid down the window pain of my eye)

P.S. i love you

What do women want?

We have abosolutely no idea.

I get jealous easily. I wanted to be the one who was beginning to understand life, even me for that matter

"and you know a little more about... you.

A little bit more than anyone else does."

I want to look at the pouring rain and come up with a jumble of words to why walking in the rain with no purpose is just something we do...as if being soaked is when life as you know it ends.
Why do we take something simple and ordinary and strech it into something big, professing our love of it to everyone...because seeing it on paper, in a melody, shouting it out loud...makes it right, makes what we feel, more real?

You tell me...why does rain make everything feel so right.

"I don't want to make any mistakes.

Then you're in the wrong species, love. Be a dog."

"terrible ideas hmmm, dont'cha just love those?"

"music is the beautiful disturber of air"

I kew i was going to have to write back sooner or later, i thought that by letting my thoughts run wild through my mind, there would be some simplicity to find to make sense of it all...but my thoughts are far from that until theyre out on paper.

"If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud"

(riding in the car, muisc blaring into the night sky, and this song switched on) Dont you feel that words seem lost until they get a *boom boom* beat, a sweet tasting, twisting melody and someone with the heart to sing them out loud for everyone to hear? I am naked before you right now, my thoughts are undressed onto this page, it's my own diary sceaming out loud...so what are you going to do about it? This blog is going to be dressed in random spiraling lyrics, just so that tune can be played and maybe you will sing out loud.

"I think that i think too hard

And i don't give enough credit to my heart"

Why don't we throw all of our thoughts to the surrounding wind, so we can hear the beat of our heart. the music...because that is what we understand. You don't have to be able to read music, i don't...i just pick up a guitar strum away...play a piano and let my fingers dance, my voice singing to the beat of all this as if noone is there and everyone is there at the same time.

"Sittin' here i'm thinkin' bout the weather and

The countryside around me

Simple little things like these are good to keep

My silly mind from wondering

I feel the summer breeze wash over me

Oh i know the laughter know the love"

Hmm..now this may get me started on simplicity all over again...the extraordinary things are the most simple, a bumble bee seeming too big to fly, takes flight to the blinding sun, the summer breeze lifting up your dress as it twirls around you, the country side, a single open field laying down scattered in flowers listening to you softly hum a melody overwhelming your sesnes, sweet and tinted sour lemonade kissing your lips as you walk, cup in hand, to the end of the world.

i'm a silly girl

dancing in the rain
bobbing my head, top down

music blowing in a trail we leave behind

running through an open field

my feet pouding to a beat

rowing through a lake, my hand gliding

making a splashing current

writing thoughts on paper,black on white,

simplicitiy is sweet love

i am a silly little girl

soaked from the rain

(thoughts on paper thought)

make your own melody, to the beat of my song

The quote i'll end with, the last buzzing note...yea you guessed it, a song...

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart

The waking up is the hardest part"

-John mayer

"Dreaming With A Broken Heart"

"Where The Heart Is"

Little insight on me...i'm condescending, a hypocrite(hmm sounds like hippo) I change what i say and do so much because i speak before I think. I'm ignorant, but aren't we all? I'm scribbling this post down on paper with pen scatches, lying on the ground, crossing out words that are miswritten. We smudge unwanted inked truths...we need to speak...so i'm going to say everything that comes to my mind (hmm i'm letting my thoughts run wild...how daring.) NOW, I was thinking that i find simple pleasures, I stare in amazement as a dandelion ball of white puff slides across this page and tumbles over me. Black and white photos tantalize me with bare, raw truth sketched into the camera lense. I could go on about how i find the simplicities more remarkable than the worlds bold intentions... (simplicity is extraordinary...white paper thought.) I dont know why i started a blog it seems to be more of a jumble of thoughts...I guess to show people who want to listen and myself that everything... the whispers of the breeze, a splash of water spiraling into rings, whisteling a symphonic melody with the birds, sitting in a tree to grasp the tough skin, letting loose in an open field or a crowded room, throwing your thoughts into bliss and closing you eyes for one damn moment...is where I find peace and serenity in a world people forget is here.

.yellow post-it note quote:

"no matter what happens

keep your childhood innocence"

~"Under The Tuscan Sun"

what happened to the music where you danced to nothing (cool breeze thought)

-Tip: Writing on pavement acquires a blanket of some mismatched pattern<>

for future pen-on-paper bloggers

rain drops sliding down the window pain

I assure you this is going to be a short post (then again every breath we take something can change...so if you assume that me assuring things is going to make them turn out the way I said...you cant always trust what i say...because words are as gone as the breath or swipe of a pencil it took to declare them)...What that drag on mixed up statement (i do that alot...remember i just wanted to be able to put these rain pouring words to mean something to show that i'm understanding atleast one little part of the crazy world...), so what i meant by everything is to trust yourself, because words spoken or written or whatever you do with them string along lies...so my whole oprah lesson is to trust, but dont be blinded. See look at this one statement i tried to explain and i go on and on...i'm not short and sweet i use everything i have to get my thoughts out, because everyone needs atleast someone to understand them. The whole point of this post was to talk about rainy days. They aren't as bad as you think...the rain cleans, refreshes everything, and it's like a new start...written words smudge and problems whirl in a puddle (My words somehow wound up sounding like a poem, bare with me...)The simplicity in rain is being able to curl up in an awkward flannel pattern blanket, sip dark, sweet hot chocolate as the steam rises and kisses your face, getting lost in a book taking you through a sunny field laying on your back with the breeze being the only whistling sound of music, as the raindrops just slide down the window pain. Sometimes (topic change-reminder) i just happen upon quotes, or theyre like a post-it note stuck to my head...it's post-it note time and i'm not saying its not lyrics...because sometimes the best quotes lie inbetween a melody and a guitar solo...so here it is:

"I'm so

Damn curious to know

And there are too

Many unanswered questions

That we hold onto"

for now its gonna be "just me"

I thought for now i'd start with something simple ...me. I'm not really sure how this whole blog thing works, but then again there really isn't a sure way of doing anything. You kind of wing it...so thats what i'm going to do (and what i usually do when it comes to life.) But doesnt that make it a suprise? I have a friend who doesn't like suprises she wants to know what things will be without the whole unwrapping that ugly paper your friends managed to scrounge up for you birthday...but whats the fun in that, would you still live your life, live in the moment if you knew what it would all lead up too? I think my special bmark (thats blog mark, you know my speical twist to this...my own signature thing to do...beisdes making up words that are screaming with originality) will be writing down a quote from anything...one of my friends speaks out with song lyrics and another with random spanish words of wisdom (well just ordinary spanish, if you find wisdom with that..than my random babbling has made sense) Back to the beginning of this i was going to talk about simple ol' me. Except the thing is i enjoy simplicity like dancing in the rain, old black and white photos, swinging, walking to the end of the world, an old crickety italian house, planes (watching over everyone), the sweet taste of chocolate, how "summer came like cinnamon, so sweet", sunsets(i can't find my old font i was using..ha), being a dork, laying in a an open field and wathching the sky spin around me, being an absolute dork and clutz...i can go on because the beauty of life to me is surrounding youself in it and that includes living with who you are. I always want to speak and (i change topics a lot~little insight on me) just be heard with these waterfalls of words that just make sense and seems so extraordinary (hmm that has ordinary right in the name) I am not simple by far... but i just want to have what i say be understood and i'm not expectecting to understand the whole world...but as i find little understandings in it i feel like little by little i understand me. Perfect moments for me are sitting back in a seat on the bus, my headphones in and just wtahcing everything fly by to the beat of the music. Which reminds me, i came up with a quote just sitting there, so i grabbed some paper and wrote it out...tell me what you think "Our bodies live to a beat, therefore music is within all of us." This is getting very long and i know i drag things on..so i'll end it on a note of a quote(hehe a rhyme) "if we got everything we deserved, I wouldnt have you"..think about that.