wild hope

i dont really know why i'm posting, i guess cause no one has in a while so i thought i would be the first to update on "life" because everyone's blogs have become a lot more deep. So let's get this started. I have definetely realized how hard it is to write a song and make the music. I have this journal that i write down words that might be able to be a song...but right now it just seems to look black and white(i mean its black ink on white paper so to a literal level, yes its black and white, but the words are more than that, theyre twisted, theyre helpless snipets of some thoughts, but what more can you ask from a teenager?)

It's twisted

Messed up

And the more I think about it

It's crazy, but so what

so what we're all "messed up" in our heads we think we're getting a grasp on the whole life concept...but it's too unfathomable to put into words, or your stupid blog. Words are just proof that you are crazy, your thoughts on paper, theyre screwed up...and it's why so many people can't or won't believe in God is because he's not as simple as a word, yea we try to make it like that...we take ideas on life like this run-on sentence and have a gazillion words on that one subject of life..but taking every single word, belief, your entire life and others and making it into one "person" responsible, only one word, God...well that there dares everything you once thought.

can you do that? or am i merely wishing on wild hope

In the crazy world

Anything can happen

If you will it to

I'm just a hazy girl

Blurring all the edges

Only seeing blue

All i can taste is this moment

do you ever realize how many times you hit the backspace on words that just dont seem to capture those unwritten words inside your head, but when you speak it's a whole different vulnerability vs. your diary. Because what ever is written down is what you wanted to say kind of "fixed up". So when you speak your even more naked in front of a crowd, your you, because your saying what is really on your mind instead of revising and "touching it up". Cause i know we all speak before we really think.

I've realized each one of my blogs kind of has a different way of writing to it, i like it because i never want to be predictable...i dont want you to know what im going to say next, even if it's totally irrelevant or crazy because apparently a lot of people think i'm a freak...

and that is something that is starting to bug me, people defining me. you may think you know me, have it down to a science of who i am really but you dont, oh no you definitely dont, there's thoughts in my mind that no one knows, i am a stranger to you...because im just beginning.

i was thinking last night about taylor swift and just everything she has done, really living and rocking out, and just having fun. Or that girl on the new abc family show(my new defining title of my blog) she's pregnant but i cant help but think something amazing is going to happen with that..even if its just a show

i dont know if i should wait or go kiss that guy, sing in public, be the first to dance when the floor is open, lead my life absent mindedly fearless...

idk just thoughts im throwing around

this blog doesnt have to be finished thoughts, why can't it just be my mind's post it note?

summers simplicity on post it notes:

• being able to drive with no idea of where i'll end up, in a mustang, top down..hair blowing and my song rocking out behind me..just singing along in my best dress fearless
  
• laying in an open field, radio surrounding all my senses, an "I Heart?" written on the back of my hand, guitar in hand strumming along to "fearless"
  
• my foot dipped in the pond, laying streched out on the bridge, rain consuming my glistening skin, hair a mess, singing about 'your anything' for the boy i never met
  
• no clothes, just the water and me, with the moon kissing a shimmering light into the water, hair dripping wet, laying with my feet in the pool, humming softly until the sunrise harmonizes sweetly with me

i have so many thoughts, twisted into a blog, a journal, lyrics, post it notes scattered everywhere, just anything for everything i think